So it’s been five weeks since I’ve arrived in china, and I am constantly humbled. The community around here is SO small. It’s quite a bubble. Everyone knows everyone. (not well, but at least by name). We work, eat, shop, bs, service, do almost EVERYTHING at the same places and the same time. It’s ridiculous how hard it is to get some alone time. It is also hard because not being able to speak and not knowing the area that you have to be with people. But the people here are really quite AMAZING. And im thankful that I have met them and see how much fervor they have in serving Him…
Last weekend, I decided that I was gonna take the night off and spend it with Him. Being with people all the time definitely wears me out. Contrary to popular belief, I am definitely an introvert and like one on ones. Groups suck the life out of me. I recharge when I am alone… or can spend good quality time with daddy, that is. and so, while everyone was checking out ministry and opportunities to do this or that.. I stayed home in my lovely apartment. I learned four specific things while spending time alone.
1. JUST RECEIVE. It is quite humbling to receive. When we look at Calvary and what he did, all we can do is receive, because we are completely and utterly undeserving. I think this has been challenged the most ever since I got to china, that I need to just receive. From not knowing the area, to not having the language skills, or the means to be as self-sufficient as I want to be, I have no other choice to receive. When it is lived out in tangible ways and how he provides, I am constantly amazed. There has been a couple here E & A and they are getting married this month. They have been serving as an M and a counselor for the past couple years here, and have been serving and doing big scale mniistries. as they are getting married they have been rapping for individuals that they could bl’ss. They started moving there stuff together and realized that they had double of most things from pans to pots to irons. 🙂 They have given me SO much stuff and all for FREE. I asked if i could pay them or take them out to eat and they told me, the day they met met that they wanted to bl’ss me. that I WAS an answer to THEIR prayer… and that i must just RECEIVE. I admit it its hard for me to receive. lots of times its easier to give than receive… but there are different seasons of life.. where we are bl’ssed so we can be a blessing… and i’m seeing that EVERY SINGLE day.
2. DON’T GIVE INTO EXPECTATIONS OR PRESSURES FROM OTHERS. YOU SERVE ONE MASTER. so being here theres a lot, i mean A LOT of different opportunities. i think its quite overwhelming and everyone wants you to do everything… M’s talking about how easy it is to get burnt out and how we need to be discerning in where we serve… SO this being said.. i think that i felt SO much pressure from people to do different things, and part of me wanted to be just plain included, but i recognize that is my people pleasingness. and we are not here to win the approval of man but of Him. i am thankful that i can be resolved about not pleasing man but that as He leads i will find the place he wants me to be.
3. LEARN ABOUT WHO YOU ARE IN LIGHT OF ME. I think i realized that this season is very unique for me and daddy. i think that i have never took the time to learn about myself. The way that he has made me i think he KNEW that i wouldnt take the time to get to know myself unless he plucked me out of my comfortzone and all the people i loved and hold so dear.. so that i can discover much about Him and my worth and confidence in Him alone. i think its interesting because most people probably find that out before taking such a crazy step of f8th way from comfort.. but here i am in China, learning about myself.. much to my disliking.. but thankful that He loves me and is cutting every branch that does not bear fruit, and pruning those that do so it can bear even more… 🙂
4. BL’SS OTHERS ALONG THE WAY: we are bl’ssed to be a bl’ssing. thats the first call to M’s. or C’s for that matter. i think this year.. as i am learning to just receive, to see the beauty of serving only one master, to learn about myself in light of our King.. that ministry might not or will not look like what i may expect… in terms of involvement in specific groups.. but more so i am seeing a heart for individuals here. rapping that i can build a few close relationships with C’s and supporting/rapping for them.. and getting to know a few locals and loving on them so that the King may be seen more clearly.
so that being said… i have much more peace about why i am here… i have SO little to offer.. i feel weak almost EVERY single moment of the day.. but in this season.. i am learning that its not about HOW MUCH you can give.. but its GIVING EVERYTHING you have to Him and allowing HIM to use it for HIS purpose and Gl… 🙂 mark 12: 43-44
thank you for your f8thful raps. 🙂 i miss you all so dearly.
ps. pomegranites are really yummy in china. 🙂